Depression and Anxiety

Well, I suppose I could try picking this blog back up again. I fell off right after my first book was released, thanks to my crippling issues with depression and anxiety.
I have been writing, here and there. I have a book half way done, and a short half way done. Which, for two years since my last book release, isn't great. But I know that I can't help it, and I know that it won't be long before I have something, even if its just a few short stories, written and subbed.
I'm trying my hand at a BDSM short that is really fun and helping me explore my creative writing again. With my mental issues clouding my mind, it has been extremely hard to write, to read, to do anything honestly, even just vegging out and watching tv. So to know that I have written a few thousand words in the past few months is a huge improvement compared to the past two years.

There was just so much clutter. In my life, in my head, in my house. After losing myself in the dark void of my mind for so long, I needed a fresh start. My boyfriend and I cleaned, sorted, and arranged our entire house, room by room. We trashed what we didn't need anymore, or gave it away if it was still usable. I'm not gonna say I could have been on hoarders, but it was close! With the house looking clean and organized, and my body moving from the cleaning, I was feeling better.
Writing is much harder now then it ever used to be. Thinking of how to form basic sentences was a task in itself when I first started writing again a few months ago. It was like I had forgotten everything, and was learning to walk again through a foggy maze. The information is all there, but it is hidden in mind, and my mind is nothing but haze these days. That haze is slowly clearing, and I can write creative sentences again, beyond just basic sentence formation. I never realized how crippling and deteriorated my mind had become from my mental illness.
Once I realized this, I have been actively trying to get in to see a doctor. Hoping that an appointment will happen at an income based place soon.
Besides that, I realized that I needed help in my physical state too. My body had shut down in so many ways from years of vitamin and mineral deficiencies, and chemically processed food, and inactivity from either pain or depression, usually both. So we decided to start juicing! Detox first for three days to cleanse our systems, then juice from there on a regular basis. After watching documentaries on Netflix, like Food Matters, we decided there was no time like the present to start trying to be healthy.
With our chickens and goats roaming the yard, and our plans for a hydroponics garden developing, it feels like a fresh beginning, and some type of purpose, to help keep me grounded from anxiety and depression when they cloud my mind.

So I guess that's what I'll be trying to talk about in my blog now. Updating on my mental and physical health, anything going on with my writing, or farm life. So I'll update again soon. For now, its back to writing, so maybe I can show off a blurb soon. ;)

New Horizons

So, still waiting to hear from the publisher. The wait is killer! To distract myself, I've been working on a short call about shifters. Somewhat new territory for me, but I'm really LOVING this story!  It's nice to be working, after being stuck on Peer Pressure and Rathbone for so long. I know I would feel alot better if I could see that wonderful email from the publisher!
Anyway, its been suggested that I take up sewing and crotchet. So I've spent a good bit of the day looking for sewing machines and making a list of everything I need. Then Pinterest popped up magically (you know how that goes), and I ended up lost in its depths for awhile. Got some nice ideas for projects to work on! So maybe that will keep me from losing my mind and checking my author email every 10 minutes lol.  Not kidding!
Anyway, I should get back to this short! Here's an excerpt :)

Beads of rain smacked with force onto Lee ShadowPaw's face as he flew down the desolate Arizona highway. The dark clouds sparked with lightning as thunder boomed overhead, announcing the deluge that was about to begin. Rattler's Bar was just up ahead. He would wait the storm out there with his usual whiskey and coke.

Lee coasted his cruiser onto the pavement in front of Rattler's. He cut off his engine, his ears immediately perking at the sound of the sizzling asphalt cooling in the rain. The hiss was loud, and steam danced in front of his headlight. He switched it off and took off his gloves, tucking them into his saddle bag. He never wore a helmet, just a bandanna on his head and sunglasses to block the dust from his eyes. It wasn't the safest way to ride, but Lee was a risk taker.

He flipped the kickstand and stepped off his bike, glancing up at the dark sky. Red hues tinted the storm clouds as the sun set. It was a beautiful sight, but there was always something about a storm that kept him on his guard.

Rattler's door was propped open, so he let himself inside. Men were cranking up the jukebox and laughing as they gathered for their brew after work. A crack from the pool table sounded sharply as he made his way through the building. Lou waved at him from the behind the bar, ushering him to his usual seat.

“You're here early. Trying to beat out the storm?” Lou leaned on the counter, though he kept his eyes scanning the crowd. “Seems like that's everyone's thought tonight.”

Lou clinked a tumbler onto the bar and reached for a bottle of whiskey. He poured two fingers in the glass and topped it off with coke, sliding the concoction to Lee.

“Thanks.”

Lou waved him off and walked over to tend to his other customers. Lee took the chance to look around at the early crew. Some truckers were settling in, as well as a few other usuals that laid claim to certain pool table every night.

He knew the regulars fairly well with Rattler's being his older brother's bar. Lou had bought the abandoned property about twenty years ago, fixed it up and spread the word to everyone he knew. Rattler's took off, despite its secluded location. Truckers, bikers, tourists, and locals made his joint one of the most popular stops on this stretch of highway. Lee was proud of Lou, not only for taking care of them both when their mother died, but for following his dream as an adult.

Lou walked back over to him. “Have you seen dad?”

“No.”

“Well, he's not doing any better. I almost want to let him come back and drown himself here, just so I know where he is; but I don't want to enable his problem.”

“He made his bed, Lou. Don't feel guilty over his choices.”

He nodded his head, and put his clean glasses away in the cabinet. “Its easier said than done.”

A deep rumble, clearer than thunder, echoed loudly through the open door, drawing their attention to see a line of cruisers pulling into the car parking lot. Their headlights shined eerily as they circled around, showing their numbers.

The wind picked up and circulated through the bar, making Lee's nose twitch. He knew that scent very well. He shot a look to his brother, seeing his defensive demeanor kick in.

“What are they doing here?” Lou growled as he tossed the rag onto the back counter. “Its been awhile since J RedFang has shown his face here. Does he know you're in town?”

Lee shrugged, downing his whiskey and coke. “He does now.”

Hope you liked the excerpt! I'll probably be posting another teaser for this story soon, a little more on the wild side ;)

New Route

So, the 8 week waiting period completed, and I emailed the publisher but never heard back. Off to another publisher it is! During this process, a friend suggested a new scene to close out the book, and I think it is perfect! Editing that last bit up tonight so it will be fresh and ready to send off! Though I need to write up a longer synopsis and a query letter. Hopefully that should all get done tonight so I can send Silk Monsoon off again, into the slush-pile of another publishing company. Hopefully this one will respond :(
I'm also debating on starting my book about Elijah Rathbone now to give myself a break from Peer Pressure. I've gotten hung up on the simplest of scenes! Sigh, as long as I'm doing something!
Pushing off my writing has become too much of a habit lately, but I have been working on my social life, which is important! We went kayaking with some friends, and got stranded on the water well past nightfall. NOT GOOD, seeing as that's when the gators and snakes come out. Needless to say I was terrified, because I was in a deflated tube! We ended up pulling up on a sandbar and walking to the nearest road for help. We still had a couple hours to go on the river, and I was NOT gong to make it lol. It was a long, rough adventure, but definitely fun. A couple days after that, we went out to the beach and got beaten up by the waves lol. It was very rough and the waves were huge, but we still had a blast. Maybe I worked off some weight with all that excursion? I can only hope!
Anywho, I hate to say that I don't have an excerpt to share. But hopefully that will change! Fingers crossed that Silk Monsoon gets picked up soon!

Slow Going...

       So it has been 6 weeks and 6 days since I've sent my lovely Silk Monsoon manuscript to the publisher. No word yet. Of course, I can only imagine my reactions are what any newbie author feels. I think back on my plot and I feel like its weak, I wonder if I should have spiced it up somehow, oh crap I said that! how cliche!...and so on.  I've been assured that my fears are silly and that no news is good news at this point. I sure hope so! That 8 week mark is closing in, and I hope to hear from them by then! If not, should I try another publisher and take it as a bad omen? Or nudge them and say HEY look at my book! lol. I guess we will find out in a week!

         Besides that ever-looming thought, I've been editing for an author friend Tedi Sinclair :)  SO excited to see these books that have been on the back burner, get edited and hopefully submitted soon! Any fans of paranormal and shifter erotica MM books should check out these series! Supernatural Royalty and Strays Series! 

          I've also been tweaking bits of my current WIP, Peer Pressure. Its so touchy with the content, seeing as Jax is a Senior in highschool, and Ryan is his substitute teacher. Although Jax is 19, having been held back a year, I don't know if it is too taboo to be picked up by a publisher. This book is my heart right now, and I will see it through to the end! Hopefully, if any changes have to be made, they won't be too severe! And I will always have this original copy for any fans to read in the future. 

Hmm, what other news is there? Plot bunnies have been bouncing in my head for new books, and possibly a series in the works. Shifters, paranormal, historical, all kinds! Which reminds me! I wonder if Silk Monsoon will be considered a series, or a stand alone? My idea is that all of the historical plots I have, happen in the same 'world'. They all exist in their time period, in different areas. Like Jake and Maxwell are in India. Well, Maxwell's friend, Elijah Rathbone, who is mentioned in Silk Monsoon, lives in England and has his own story to be told. Would that be considered enough of a tie for a series? Hmm, we shall see what the publisher says. IF I EVER HEAR FROM THEM! ok calm down, Jamie...lol.

Hopefully my next update will have more exciting news!

Excerpt from Peer Pressure

Jackson was flush against me as his tongue swirled inside of my mouth. I lost myself in the intensity of his kiss, feeling heat rush to my face. The rational side of me tried to break away, but it was obvious which side was stronger. I slowly raised my shaky hand to weave through his hair, but a loud knock on the door made my hand fall as I jumped away from his embrace.

“Uhh, I should get that. It's probably Troy.” I tripped as I rushed to the door that was my salvation. As I opened it and saw the face behind it, my hopes crashed. “Leanna?”

“Do you not know how to answer a phone? I've been trying to reach you for days.” I could see Troy's shocked face behind her. Her tone was argumentative and my defenses built up immediately.

“I've been busy. Is something wrong?”

She studied my flushed face and I knew her wheels were turning. “Busy, huh?” She pushed past the door and saw Jackson standing by the couch. “Lovely.”

Her tone seemed soaked in venom, and her grin was slightly wicked. Jackson scoffed and walked towards us. “I'm going out to smoke.” He leaned close to her face as he squeezed through. “Excuse me.” He shut the door behind him, leaving me and my ex-wife alone.

“That's what you're so busy with? Sorry our divorce is getting in the way of your fun.”

“It's not what you think.”

“Oh, isn't it? You think I don't know that look on your face? You used to get like that with me, back when you liked women. Do yourself a favor and crawl on out of the closet, Aaron. You're only fooling yourself at this point. And how old is he anyway? Someone your own age isn't good enough anymore?”

My blood was boiling. “Do you need something, or did you just run out of people to bitch at?”

She reared back like she had been slapped. I guess she wasn't used to me standing up for myself, but I wasn't exactly the same man she married and pushed into submission. She snapped her gaping mouth shut, then fluffed up her hair with a sigh.

“I came over to tell you that we have a meeting with our lawyers next week.”

“I'm well aware. I've received plenty of letters from your attorney.”

“Also, you still have my grandfather's watch collection. I want it back.”

“I don't have it.”

“Look again. You were the last person in possession of them.”

“I can tell you right now, I don't have the watches. I left basically everything at the house when I moved out. They were not in my boxes.”

She pointed her finger at me, inches from my face. “You find them, Aaron, or I will be demanding compensation in the terms of our divorce.” She turned away and slung open the door.

Jackson and Troy both turned to look as she emerged into the outside hallway. Leanna studied Jackson's face before she stormed off for her car. I sighed and fell against the doorway.

“Still that sweet angel I remember from college.” Troy joked as he watched her drive away.

Back to Reality

So, I am back from my relaxing vacation! Had a blast, despite some set backs. There was no Internet or phone service at the cabin, and hardly any through the town. That was upsetting at first, but really helped me step back from technology for awhile and dive into my vacation!
We saw 3 bears, I think a mama and her cubs. Deer were everywhere, as well as turkeys in Cade's cove. We took a drive up through Cataloochee to see the elk! So cool! They get so close to you! I also did a bit of ghost hunting up there, since its a hobby of mine. Perfect opportunity in such a historic area. We climbed up Clingman's Dome, which at times felt like I had to drag myself up! Completely worth it! The most amazing views! I wish I could add pictures to show...which reminds me...
My laptop won't turn on! I was all ready to crack her open and write one night, when I saw, despite a whole night of charging, she was dead. So no pics to upload or writing for me either! Took it to the shop today so we shall see what they say...My ideas are still bouncing in my head, so I need to jot some notes down or just hand write while I'm at work tonight.
Also, still no word from the publisher. I'm a bit nervous about that, but I'm hoping their slush pile was so large that they just haven't gotten to mine yet. So I really need to distract myself now with more writing!
Anywho, I clearly failed at Nano camp lol, but hopefully I can make up for the lost wordage soon!

Impatiently Waiting

So I submitted Silk Monsoon maybe a week ago, and I've been checking my email constantly lol. I know it could take weeks, but that doesn't keep me from opening gmail like its Christmas lol. There will be an email in my inbox before I know it! After all, I should be focusing on Camp Nano!
It started this week, and I have a goal of 30k. Not alot, compared to some, but at the writing rate I've had, I will be amazed to have that done lol. So I suppose that means its time to crack open my WIP and get to writing! Like, NOW! I wonder if any of my cabin mates are writing?
Anywho, I'm taking a trip to Tennessee on the 11th, so maybe I'll get inspired up there to keep writing. I have a feeling my plot bunnies will be running rampant! Which is good for future books, bad for this one! But how can one not be inspired by the rushing waters, the green hills and forests, the foggy mountains, and the banjos?!  I can think of several M/F plot lines, but hmm, what about an M/M set in the logging era? GASP! We shall see! Oh yes...see we shall ;)

POV issues

Apparently I am, and forever will be, terrible at POV issues lol. I see things in my head, and write what I see. To me it makes sense, and I think to others it does as well, but alas, there are RULES that must be obeyed! So, I am dragging with the edits! Having to re-write whole scenes when there are so many distractions is difficult! I will take it all as a learning experience though. After all, I am just starting out! I have lot to learn if I want to make it as an author.
I suppose my biggest step right now is to find a 'zone' and sit my butt in the chair and just write. Set a certain time for myself to be working and get something done! I can always work on my off time, but I need 'on the clock' time if I want to see more books out!
So today, after some grub and chores, I am going to plop down and see what I come up with! Maybe an excerpt like I promised? lol
Anyway! Here's some eye candy! Hmm, he looks like two characters of mine: Aaron and Strauss <3